O.K.
"Is it okay if I close my eyes? Is it okay if I take my time just for a little while? - It's Okay, Clara Benin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MnVNeQiCQE)
Today, I had the opportunity to go out of the house and run errands in Makati (I live in Manila). On the way, I can't help but feel different emotions rushing through me: happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, hopefulness, gratefulness, among others.
I'm happy because I was able to go out and breathe different air. Sad because everything feels different. Makati is a very familiar place to me since I work there but today it was nothing like how I used to remember it. Angry with our government because I saw people on the streets knocking on the car windows, asking for money to help them survive. They weren't supposed to be there; they were supposed to be taken care of by the people in power. But they're not. Frustrated that after almost two months, we're still stuck at home without assurance on when this will end. Hopeful, somehow, because we finally solved the traffic problems in the metro. I mean we found out that it is possible to reduce the vehicles on our roads. This validates the proposal from an urban planner, that I heard from a Traffic Expo I attended last year, that all we need to do is redefine mobility - some industries that are capable of doing this should shift to work from home setup. In that way, we are still mobile through data transfer via internet. Grateful that I am still here, that I can still talk to my loved ones even though we are not together, that I still have food to eat, a place to sleep, and people to talk to.
Of all these emotions, the negative ones are the most difficult to deal with which is my almost everyday struggle. They usually arise when I'm on facebook and reading the news. It was just so tiring and disappointing and hopeless. I keep asking myself how? How long do we have to be stuck at home? How long do we have to wait for this to be over? How are we going to overcome this? How can I prevent myself from getting sick? How can I make sure that my family will be safe from the virus? How? I'm mad at the government for neglecting the people's health. I cry for those whose lives have been unnecessarily sacrificed because of our leaders' incompetence. I can't help but blame the government since day one because I know in my heart that they could've prevented this from happening but they didn't. I am hopeless.
As I wait for my companion in the grocery, I decided to hear the mass. Today's gospel is about the good shepherd: his flock knows his voice well and follows him, only him; he is transparent and he leads the way. Then the priest prayed, "Lord, make our shepherds good shepherds." That's when I realized that no matter how frustrated, disappointed, and mad I am at our leaders, this is not the time to replace them because the people's health should be our priority. I was reminded that at times when I feel hopeless, I should not fill my heart and mind with anger and fear. What I should do is pray so that God will make our leaders good leaders. The thought that they are humans too, thus they are capable of change, puts my heart at ease. We are not helpless. We shouldn't be hopeless. This is not toxic positivity, it is still okay to be mad sometimes, but we should also not forget that prayer moves mountains, that there is Someone larger than all of these, and that all will be alright in His time.
"Heavy is the soul that's gone to war with questions of who's really in control so I plead and I plead myself to fight to see that this is where I'm supposed to be right now."
Today, I had the opportunity to go out of the house and run errands in Makati (I live in Manila). On the way, I can't help but feel different emotions rushing through me: happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, hopefulness, gratefulness, among others.
I'm happy because I was able to go out and breathe different air. Sad because everything feels different. Makati is a very familiar place to me since I work there but today it was nothing like how I used to remember it. Angry with our government because I saw people on the streets knocking on the car windows, asking for money to help them survive. They weren't supposed to be there; they were supposed to be taken care of by the people in power. But they're not. Frustrated that after almost two months, we're still stuck at home without assurance on when this will end. Hopeful, somehow, because we finally solved the traffic problems in the metro. I mean we found out that it is possible to reduce the vehicles on our roads. This validates the proposal from an urban planner, that I heard from a Traffic Expo I attended last year, that all we need to do is redefine mobility - some industries that are capable of doing this should shift to work from home setup. In that way, we are still mobile through data transfer via internet. Grateful that I am still here, that I can still talk to my loved ones even though we are not together, that I still have food to eat, a place to sleep, and people to talk to.
Of all these emotions, the negative ones are the most difficult to deal with which is my almost everyday struggle. They usually arise when I'm on facebook and reading the news. It was just so tiring and disappointing and hopeless. I keep asking myself how? How long do we have to be stuck at home? How long do we have to wait for this to be over? How are we going to overcome this? How can I prevent myself from getting sick? How can I make sure that my family will be safe from the virus? How? I'm mad at the government for neglecting the people's health. I cry for those whose lives have been unnecessarily sacrificed because of our leaders' incompetence. I can't help but blame the government since day one because I know in my heart that they could've prevented this from happening but they didn't. I am hopeless.
As I wait for my companion in the grocery, I decided to hear the mass. Today's gospel is about the good shepherd: his flock knows his voice well and follows him, only him; he is transparent and he leads the way. Then the priest prayed, "Lord, make our shepherds good shepherds." That's when I realized that no matter how frustrated, disappointed, and mad I am at our leaders, this is not the time to replace them because the people's health should be our priority. I was reminded that at times when I feel hopeless, I should not fill my heart and mind with anger and fear. What I should do is pray so that God will make our leaders good leaders. The thought that they are humans too, thus they are capable of change, puts my heart at ease. We are not helpless. We shouldn't be hopeless. This is not toxic positivity, it is still okay to be mad sometimes, but we should also not forget that prayer moves mountains, that there is Someone larger than all of these, and that all will be alright in His time.
"Heavy is the soul that's gone to war with questions of who's really in control so I plead and I plead myself to fight to see that this is where I'm supposed to be right now."
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