In Time

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I really don't have plans on writing today but something inside me wants to say something. I am not that busy or problematic the past few days, maybe it's just that I want to talk to someone about anything but I can't find the right person or the right thing to talk about.

It is the start of the week and I'm feeling this way. This is somehow bothering so I'd better let it out.

These past days have not been full of worries. I may say that those were some of the "lightest days" of the semester. I've had a lot of time to think while walking to class, to prepare my own meal, to check on what things I needed for the coming days plus the time that I had to go home last weekend.

I want to experience a lot of things, to do what I haven't done, to break the rules and don't care about what others might say but I CAN'T. I've always been the obedient kid because I don't want to be blamed for being stupid. I AM AFRAID. People around me might still think that I am a child and I can't handle myself. That is what I also think about myself but how can I know if I really can't if I'm not given the chance to try.

I must admit that I am envious of other teenagers. They have tried and experienced many things that I may not be able to do as a teen. I'm turning 20 this year and I know I've missed a lot of things in life as a teenager. Maybe all I need now is the permission because as I've said, I am the obedient kid. I don't want to disappoint the people I love. If they want me to do what I want to do, then I will and when that moment comes, I will cherish every second of it.

I believe that people who love you have an idea of what your heart wants and when is your time to have it but I also believe that people who truly love you trust you enough to let you do what you want, make mistakes and in the end, help you to stand up if ever you fall.


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